Once upon a time I stood at the brink of evolution with multiple paths open to me.  As the consummate creative man, my options lied within that area.  First there was the pure and simple English/writing path.  Secondly, my interest in psychology made me scope out the path where I might sit and actively listen.  The path I ultimately chose for my freshmen year was piano performance, the path that I had stuck with for ten years.

When I reminisce, I tend to question the choices I made, especially since my first choice ended up taking me on a path beyond my comfort zone.  For the sane, changing majors is an improvement.  For me, the game is a silent scoreboard where I’ve just spent a decade not doing what I am supposed to do.  I did not know when I was three that I wanted to be a writer.  There were no clear cut signs.  So, we’re left with a sense of lost time.  Psychology, piano and writing.  As much as they interest me they are different paths which require different training.

However, a curious thing happens when you start taking in your experiences and figuring out a bottom line.  You see patterns.  As I began to summarize my choices, I realized that even with exploration there is an underlying sense of self brimming beneath the doubt.

You see, whether I am a pianist, therapist or writer, I need a good ear.  My training comes from active listening, from hearing the details.  A note, a thought or a word, the process begins with a good ear.

What does this mean?  It means I can rest knowing that my previous life as a muscian also comes into contact with my current life as a writer.  Nothing goes to waste and nothing is a wrong turn, it’s basic discovery.  Therapeutically, I can begin to solidify my identity and refrain from fragmenting the good choices from the bad ones.

My point is–and I do have one– is this.  We cage ourselves based on what we do.  Somehow, we expect the writer self to be better than the student self, and the muscian self is erased because we determine it is so.  What I sometimes forget is that the self comes in one package.  There is a connection between all our choices; remembering that is one way to improve the writer self without neglecting everything we’ve accomplished along the way.

I call this self-listening.

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